Mimpi

Dia, lelaki yang tidak aku kenali.

Mukanya jelas, taklah handsome, tapi sweet.

Tapi jika sekarang diingati, kabur langsung wajah itu.

Dia tak aku minati, tapi dia suka mengusik.

Kata orang London, tease.

Dan jalan cerita seterusnya, aku lupa

Yang aku ingat, ada demonstrasi.

Aku yang baru sedar akan rasa yang sudah wujud, tercari-cari dia.

Sehingga seseorang tunjukkan aku pintu, dan pintu itu dibuka.

Di sebalik pintu itu, ada dia.

Terbaring.

Kaku.

Dan aku meraung, in sorrow.

Dan mimpi itu habis di situ.

Entry ini sampah, dan dalam mimpi itu,

Aku hilang dia.

2PM Hands Up Asia Tour in Malaysia 2011

It came as a surprise, a very big surprise.

Never plan for it, at all.

A text from Chazzie last Wednesday saying she wanted to meet me. Thinking that she's here to meet Fatone, I said ok, planning to go home early on Thurday as it is a long weekend.

Then, she revealed the real thing. She (and Nana!) won a pair of tickets for the concert. with passes to the hi-5 session.

And the rest is history.

Well, the hi-5 session was short. Very short. I can still remember Nickhun's smile, he was the friendliest. And Taec's smile too, though he seems like in an auto-pilot mode. His eyes were dreamy, and he was as if he was not really there. All of them looked tired.

The concert.

I totally can't recall the song-list. Totally. I take the saying 'carpe diem' in every sense. I spent most of my time concentrating on the performances, and oogling on Taecyeon and Nickhun every time they came to our section.

I might do a recap when I get photos or videos of the concert, when I'm able to recall things.

Some highlights or little details that I like to record for memory's sake

-Taec kissed the roses before he gave it out to the fans.
-Heartbeat is daebak, theatrical and very dramatic.
-Taec jumped off to our section, even jumped off a barricade to go further up. Much to the dismay of his dancer and the security personnel though. Haha.
-They are very energetic throughout the concert.

Really, I can't remember everything! I've been reminding myself to enjoy the moment, and I really did. Up until I remember nothing, after the occasion. Haha.

This ranting is incomprehensible. Should sleep now, it seems. kkkk

Disturbed.

Sometimes, the best thing to do is, be silent.

The temptation to retort is, really, hard to resist.

Especially when the subject matter is alien to the other party and they know nothing, but it is as if they knew everything.

But it's not wise to do so when emotions are deep.

And so for the moment, keeping mum is the way to go.

Still, it's inevitable to feel annoyed, you know.

Haha, come on, just let this moment pass.

And you'll be okay.

It's happening, again.

The time when I feel like everything's crumbling.

And I can't do anything.

This, is depressing.

Kan benar...

telahan aku.



Lama mata aku tanpa hadaman sosok kau di situ,
lalu hilang rindu.

Rindu?
Bukanlah. Hanya ingin, inginnya ada kau di situ.

Tetapi kau kini punya orang.



Dan kau yang lagi satu...

Aku masih punya rasa yang dulu.

Yang dulu suatu saat, kau aku butuh.

Tetapi kau kini punya hidup sendiri, yang di hadapan.



Tapi, tak apalah.

Aku sendiri kini punya hidup, yang perlu lagi mula dari asal.

Dan itu, apa yang kini aku pandang.

Pekat Malam

Malam.
Malam indah, malam dingin.
Nyaman.
Pekat.


Kau tahu bukan aku sengaja halakan pandangnya mata aku,
pada kau.
Sungguh.
Bukan aku yang mahu.

Dan adanya sosok kau di situ,
bukan aku yang buru.

Tuhan.
Pada dia milik semua.

Cinta?
Taklah, aku rasa bukan.

Nafsu.

Play

Russian Roulette.

Sounds like fun eh?

Sesungguhnya

Aku tak bijak.

Dan aku tak pandai.

Kau tahu apa perasaannya duduk menghadap monitor komputer dan aku tak mampu menulis lebih daripada 3 baris ayat yang dah aku tulis di 'blank document' itu?

Dan tugasan itu perlu sekurang-kurangnya 5 muka surat.

Sakit kau tahu?

Sangat sakit.

Bukan kerana aku tak mahu.

Tapi aku tak mampu.

Dan yang aku mampu saat itu hanya menangis.

Menangis.

Tangisan yang sia-sia.

Pieces

It has been quite a long while since I last said anything here. Currently emotionally, I'm in a jumbo mess. But that's life and I need to feed my soul with some humble pie.



Dear self,

Be kind.
Be humble.
See good in others.



So simple, yet so hard.

Till then.